can you say GIVEAWAY?

I know it's been awhile since I've updated MY blog since I've just been concentrating on Jaeden's lately (even though I have been slacking there too, but hey, we've been busy..and I have a fun update coming soon). But, I just had to update to let everyone know about a cool giveaway my friend and AWESOME photographer is doing! I've entered twice now. If you want to enter (which you totally should..well, maybe not since the less entries the more chance I have of winning right? (= ) Anyways, I think everyone should totally check out her blog, and while you there, look at her portfolio too its AMAZING!!! So go here! NOW!!! It's worth it!!

Happy 2nd Birthday Jaeden!

Happy 2nd Birthday Baby Jaeden! I can't believe that my baby is already 2 yrs. old. It seems like just yesterday that he was in my womb sucking on his thumb. It's amazing how fast time flies when you really don't want it to. He amazes us everyday with how much he learns and knows. I watch him just entranced in what his eyes see and what goes through his mind. He doesn't fail in keeping us busy. Always on the go. It's amazing we don't weigh 90lbs each, Me and Brad. I couldn't imagine what life would be without my baby boy. He stole my heart with his first breath.

To think, it all started with this. 12 1/2 weeks gestation. First ultrasound. Amberg, Germany.


36 weeks gestations. 3 weeks before his big arrival.


The proudest I've ever been.


One year old.


Present. My 2 year old big boy.

Happy Birthday sweet boy, I love you!

Where did the past two years go.

A Nightmare...

I haven't blogged on my blog for a while now. Like over a month. Jaeden's took over. I think his is more important. I know that most who follow Jaeden's blog, know that he has been undergoing testing for bleeding disorders. Well, so far one bleeding disorder in particular. Von Willebrand's Disease. The number 1 most common hereditary bleeding disorder with approximately 1% of Americans who have it. What most people don't know it what led us to the Pediatric Blood & Cancer Center at the Columbia Children's Hospital. Well, here is a post I had started the end of May. May 30th to be exact. A post I never posted because, for one, I didn't finish it. Which I will today. For two, Brad asked me to hold off on it until things settled. Well, those things did for the most part, last week. So here it is.

5-30-2009
This week has been quite the emotional one for me. Just a nightmare a parent doesn't want to experience. Period. So let's start off with remember how I had said Jaeden was still anemic and covered in bruises? If you don't you could catch up on that here. Well this past tuesday, Jaeden didn't seem to be feeling well. Around 11am I noticed he felt warm and gave him some tylenol. Most of that day he just wasn't acting himself. He was quiet, just wanted to be held, wasn't really eating/drinking etc.. I tried calling his ped. NP to see if his anemia could be the cause of him easily bruising, but of course couldn't get through to anyone. Not the first time I've had this problem with them. So the day goes on. That night at about 10pm while I was getting ready to change Jaeden's diaper and put him to bed, I realized he was burning up. His whole body. We've experienced this spike in temperature and it was the result of pneumonia. We took his temperature with three different thermometers and 2 out of 3 read over 103.5 to 104 degrees. Jaeden again wasn't acting like himself. I give him some tylenol and I decide that I would be taking him to the hospital that is a few miles from us to get him checked out. Brad stayed home since he would have to be at work at like 5 am and he would go to the hospital if there was something wrong. Well, I go and they check his vitals, give him some motrin, etc. His temp. dropped down to 101. I also brought up his bruising while there too. We end up in a room, finally and see the doctor, who also happened to be a pediatrician. He is no longer concerned about the fever and is more concerned with the bruising. Did I mention, Jaeden has a lot of bruises? Well he decides to do some bloodwork and see if there is a reason that may be causing Jae to bruise easily. Well he tells me that the tests all appeared good and that Jaeden was barely anemic. So what does a hospital have to do when a child comes in and is covered in bruises (2 on his face were that of bite marks, but not from actually being bitten but from playing a game with Daddy where Daddy acts like he's eating Jaeden. No intentional harming.) If you guessed that the hospital would have to by law write a report, that is right! The nurse came in and noted where all of Jaeden's bruises are located and returned later to take pictures of all of them. That is where my emotions are just running wild. I couldn't believe what was happening and that it was indeed happening to me and my son, my world. I sat there with tears streaming down my face while she took all these pictures of Jaeden's body. Then she's telling me what the bruises are 'indicating'. She told me it looks like Jaeden was shaken, then continues to tell me how dangerous it is to shake a baby and that they are too precious. All things I knew already. She made me feel incredibly defensive and I actually told her I didn't do it and what does she reply with? I don't know, but someone did. Tears continue to fall. At 2am, they discharged us and let me leave with Jaeden. The doctor had already told me that he didn't suspect that I had any involvement. And while I'm walking out and he sees my post-tears, broken expression, all he could do was lip to me sorry. I could tell he meant it. The funny thing about being at this hospital is, Jaeden was back to himself while we were there. Of course. They also just said that he just had some type of virus. Nothing serious.



Well the next morning, like 11am, I'm in the process of getting dressed. We were supposed to go to a potluck and plants playdate and I just wanted to act like the night before hadn't happened. Jaeden was still sleeping since he stayed awake then entire time we were at the hospital. Then the doorbell rings. Our door has a window in it which still is not covered. I walk out of the hall and see who's at the door. A cop and a social worker. I'm thinking, oh no they're going to take Jaeden! So reluctantly, I open the door. They come in. The cop says that there was a report filed and blah blah blah. I'm already crying again because I still can't believe this is all happening. They start asking me questions on who Jaeden has been with in the past week, does Brad have a temper, do I have any suspicions about anyone who has cared for Jaeden in the past week. All those questions that you see on Law & Order and stuff, now pointed at me. The cop had a camera around his wrist wanting to take pictures of Jaeden, but I told him the hospital already did. I had to take them into Jaeden's room to show them my sleeping baby. The social worker asks me if I'd be willing to go to a place called Kid's Harbor, which is a child advocacy place, and have a safe exam done by a doctor who specializes in differentiating bruises between normal, abnormal due to medical reasons, or abnormal due to abuse. I agree to go. Cooperating as mush as possible, doing anything necessary to make this nightmare end. We drive the 40 minutes there, they put us in a room with a bunch of stuffed animals and books, trying to make us comfortable. The nurse brings in some paperwork for me to sign to ok the different exams and tests that they will be doing. Like I had much other choice then to agree. The doctor comes in to get a detailed history. We go into the exam room where they weigh and measure Jaeden. Check everything over on him. Look at every bruise. Even checking to make sure he hadn't been sexually abused, one of those exams I had to agree to. Continuing on to take more pictures of every bruise. Afterwards, we have to go to the nearby hospital for blood work, urine sample, and full body x-rays to make sure there weren't any current or past injuries. The social worker comes with me, not because she had to, but because I didn't have a clue of what I was supposed to do. I didn't mind, she wasn't my enemy. She was doing her job and making sure that Jaeden isn't one of the kids who are actually abused. I accept that and I am grateful for the kids that they do help, the ones who need the help. Jaeden wasn't and will never be one of those kids. We go and after registering with the hospital, we decide to start with trying to get a urine sample from Jaeden. I didn't have a clue how that was going to happen. Well, pretty much they have this bag thing that looks like a plastic baggie with a hole and adhesive where his penis and testicles go in and it stick to them. Not too pleasant. Jaeden hated it. We then continue with his blood draw since it's both done in the lab, while he's drinking apple juice in hopes it will make him pee. He didn't. And he screamed the entire blood draw, making me upset that he was upset. We leave to x-ray with intention of returning afterwards and hopes that Jaeden will have peed by then. X-ray was a nightmare in itself. It took probably 15 minutes to do his whole body. Me and a tech having to hold Jaeden down in different positions and different parts of his body to get every bone. Him hysterical the whole time. The only thing going through my head is blame on myself for taking him to the hospital the night before when he probably would have been fine, and causing all this to happen to him. Finally we were done with the x-rays, and he was perfectly fine afterwards. We went back to the lab, only to see Jaeden still hadn't peed. They changed his baggie to put it on the other way, since figuring out which is up and down isn't easy. The second way was better. They let us go back to Kid's Harbor, with a pee cup in hand, and an extra baggie just in case. It only took about 30 mins afterwards, for Jaeden to pee. I took it to the lab and returned to wait on the doctor and find out what was going to happen next. It's now almost 6pm. We'd been there all day long. Finally the doctor comes in and tells me that he was concerned with the bruising and that he does believe me but he still has to look at the type of bruising Jaeden has. They continue to say its really hard with kids this age since they cannot talk and say what has/hasn't happened. He says that he does want to refer us to the pediactric hematologist because the blood work is a little different and Jaeden does have history of anemia. He continues on that we are lucky to have 2 pediactric hematologists in the area, and they are 'rare to come by'. He also mentioned that Jaeden had tonsilitis, something that the hospital the night before missed. He leaves and then the social worker starts to tell me what she wants to do. In my head, I knew they could still decide that Jaeden couldn't go home with me. She says she wanted to talk to Brad, who was at work all day, and if she felt things were safe to have us sign an agreement that Jaeden couldn't be left with anyone but each other and that we would have to follow up with the hematologist. She had to call her supervisor to ok the plan with her, and home we went. She came 20min later and spoke with Brad briefly and we signed our agreement, also agreeing to have her return in a week with another form pretty much saying that Jaeden is safe with us. That didn't mean that the investigation was over.

I get a call from the hematologist a few days later to schedule Jaeden's first appointment. We go, they do a complete history, do a blood draw and say they'll call when they get the results. Which takes a week to 2 weeks. This is where the doctor tells me that she is testing for Von Willebrand's disease because of the history on my side of the family. Both me and my mom show symptoms of it. This type of bleeding disorder affects both male and female, not one more then the other, and can be passed mother to son, father to daughter, doesn't really matter the sex. It can affect everyone. It's not curable. It can be managed with medication. There are several medications for it. One that is like a nasal spray. One that is injected intraveniously only when needed. That one replaces the factors that the body doesn't make and needs. It's a direct replacement. I can't think of the other medicines for it right now, I just know they are there. While we were in California, I got the first test results back. He definitely has a platelet deficit. His other numbers were borderline normal so they wanted to retest him. Stress can cause numbers to elevate. Certain things such as asprin, motrin, alka selzter, pepto bismo can cause his platelet count to drop. I know he didn't have any of those. They said it was highly probable that Jaeden had some type of bleeding disorder. So we schedule his next appointment. That morning after we woke Jaeden up, I put him in his high chair to get him something to eat. He throws up. Hadn't eaten yet, had only been up maybe 5 minutes. I ask Brad to put him in the bath while I try to call the doctor to see if they still wanted me to bring him. They have cancer kids there. I didn't want to make them sicker then they already are. They still want me to bring him but he wouldn't be allowed to play in the playroom that day, and would have to stay in his exam room. Not a big deal, I had toys to bring him. So we start our 2+ trek to the children's hospital. Jaeden throws up in the car about half way through the drive. I can't say I wasn't expecting this. I mean, I took 3 pairs of clothes and a huge towel. We get there, we hang out in his room. They bring him in some toys also along with a mini sprite for him to sip on. Eventually, the hour that it takes for the numbing cream to work passes and they can start his blood draw. They take quite a bit of blood. I mean, it's not a lot for us, but for him, it's a good amount. The nurse is getting ready to stick him and Jaeden sees the needle. He knew exactly what it was going to do. He started to scream nooo, noo, owww noo. The vein blows because Jaeden really isn't that easy to keep still even with an extra set of hands to keep his arm still. So they try on his other hand. It works, and they start to fill their syringes up. Another nurse comes in to transfer his blood to the 7 tubes. They have this Elmo there that does the Y-M-C-A dance, but does it E-L-M-O, and Jaeden loves that thing. He was even willing to stop crying for some of his sprite that the nurse let him drink. About 7 minutes later, and blood all over the place, they were done. Jaeden was fine. And we could go home. Normally, I'd let him play on the playground for the CH patients, but since he was throwing up earlier, he had to bypass that one. I did get him to eat some french fries, which he ate almost a whole medium by himself, and kept them down. Then we made our way back home.

When I got the call for these results, we were in Spokane. They were happy with his results. It showed that he was really stressed for that test, obviously due to the vomitting in the morning. They wanted to do another round of retesting, when he isn't stressed, in hopes of getting the low swing of numbers like the first round showed. That would put him at the diagnosis of Von Willebrand's Disease. I also am in the process of being referred there to get my own testing done. We went to his appointment one week ago and he was pretty content that whole morning. Of course he wasn't thrilled when they started doing his blood draw, but since he is numb and can't feel the needle, and he didn't have any tears this time, the nurse called him on it and he stopped crying. He just watched them, and watched Elmo. The doctors nurse, L, shows me the numbers of the tests each time we go. This time she mentioned that she has talked to the Kid's Harbor Dr. B and said that she has been sending the tests results along with written explanation of each number and so forth to them. She's talked to Dr. B several times and this time he told her to 'tell her[me] hi and that I[he] called the dogs[social worker/CPS] off'. I didn't even realize that they were still doing the investigation. I thought it would have been done with after the first appointment. I will say, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief, finally. It had been hell. Every parent's nightmare. And while I want to be angry for all of it, I have to be grateful because without it, Jaeden wouldn't have been referred to the hematologist and none of this testing would have been done and if there was a trama to Jaeden, who knows what could have come of it.

He got to play on the playground this time again and was able to run off a bunch of energy. He got to see a helicopter land, and then 10 mins later 2 of them take off. I heard them start the rotors and told him where to look and he waited patiently and it started to rise. It flew right over us. Jae was entranced by it. After it flew over the building and was out of sight, he started saying more, more, again again. And to my surprise since I thought I was still hearing the first helicopter, another one started to rise and flew right over us as well. He loved it.

Neglect

So I've really been neglecting my blog. I try to do Jaeden's regularly, which isn't even as regular as I'd like it to be, but more regular than my own is. Juggling the 2 isn't easy. But I am working on it as best I could.

We made it California today. Happy to be back. Brad isn't so enthused since he couldn't come. Not really possible when you 10 days of leave in the hole. It takes 4 months to make that up. So there's not a whole lot he could do there. And i needed and wanted to come home. Yes, I still refer to California as home. It is. But it isn't. Since Missouri is home now. For now at least. California will always be home though.

I finally got to see little Kayleigh Grace today. She is so small!! I can't believe Jaeden was ever that small. Time just flies by so fast and they grow so damn quick!! And now, Jaeden will be 2 years old in 2 months. That's it. 2 years has flown by since I was carrying him in the womb. Looking at him today next to Kayleigh and it really hit me at how big he's getting. He's small for his age, but he's a little boy and not a baby anymore. Not something I'll admit to outside of the blog though. Since he is of course my baby. And that's all that matters. To me at least. I will admit though, all the babies around, doesn't do any good for baby fever. That's all I'm saying on the note.

Now after 9 1/2 hours, I'm exhausted. So I'm going to follow Jaeden's lead and pass out. Looks good to me.

Terrible 2's University

Jaeden is hitting that terrible 2's stage. I'm not so excited about it. I'm not exactly sure how to deal with it. He hits, he bites, he throws things. I've tried time-out with him, yet it doesn't phase him. Just pisses him off more. Plus the only place we have where he can't just up and leave is the crib or his high chair. I'd really rather stay away from both when I'm trying to disicpline him, yet he's making that difficult. So, we use the crib occasionally. He's not terrible all the time, but he definitely has his moments. He's also so stubborn!! He knows that when he hits one of us, all we want is him to say sorry. Which he does know how to say, and knows he's supposed to say it. Since we're saying to him, tell Mommy/Daddy sorry. He refuses. Just because he's hard-headed. It turns into that power struggle that no one wants. He does have moments where he'll hit us and see the look on our face and then automatically kiss it better. That's always nice. The one that really bugs me though is the biting. He broke my skin recently. Like last week. Needless to say, I wasn't very happy. Oh and any advise on getting him to stop throwing his food? That's another problem. And a very annoying one to say the least.

Anyways, Thursday we went to the University Hospital in Columbia. Its a good 2 hour drive. There are 2 pediatric hematologists around here, 1 in Columbia (which like I said is a good 2 hour drive) and the other in Springfield (which is more like a max of 1 hour drive). Of course, we got referred to the one in Columbia. And, I had to go by myself since Brad had to work. Surprisingly though, Jaeden did awesome in the car. Was awake 95% of the drive too. We get there, register him, and head up the to Pediactric Blood and Cancer Unit. Walking in, I instantly ask where the bathroom is since in that 2 hour drive, Jaeden manage to soak through his diaper, shorts, and my 2 shirts I was wearing. He was changed right before we left too. After changing him into these little peach pj bottoms they gave me, I could only assume they were for the patients if they got sick on themselves, I look around. Behind the nurses station is a little girl who must have leukemia getting probably Chemo, playing games on the tv thats on a rolling cart. She has a beautiful wig hanging off her IV pole. After going into the playroom, there's another girl, probably teenager, getting what I could assume was platlettes or blood hanging out playing video games on another tv. Have I mentioned that I'd been reading My Sister's Keeper? I can't even explain what was going through my head. Jaeden walking around with a numbing cream covered in a tegaderm (just a clear like bandaid type thing so he wouldn't rub off the cream) in 3 different spots.

Later in the room, the dr takes a complete history. She tells me that they are going to test Jaeden for Von Willebrand's Disease. She proceeds to tell me that it is the most common hereidary blood disease, and that about 1% of Americans are affected with it. Yea, that sounds common to me. I understand that she meant the hereidary part since not are all passed down. Pretty much, if Jaeden has it, he most likely got it from me or Brad, and even more likely me. I've never been tested for it, but I also show some symptoms of it. So does my mom. So later after the nurses had drawn 5 tubes of blood=30cc's I took Jaeden down to the playground that is for the Children's hospital patients to run off some energy before being stuck in the car, yet again. While he's playing, an old guy in a van outside the gate starts talking to me about Jaeden. He later says that Jaeden reminded him of his son at that age, they had the same hair. He procedes to tell me that he lost his son last September to leukemia. I didn't know what to say to him. Sorry was all I could think of. He kept watching Jaeden, and you could see a glitter in his eyes. I knew he was reminiscing. He leaves with his wife and I take off with Jaeden.

Now I just get to wait for the phone call on whether Jaeden's blood work is normal, slightly abnormal and needs to be redone, or they know that he has it. I hate waiting games.


We've also been hit with some crazy storm again too. Who'd guess huh? Can't wait for tornado season to be done with already.

Happy Anniversary!

Me and Brad!

We've been married for 1 year today, but also been together for 3 years today.

We liked the day so choose to make it our wedding day.

Well, in a way, Happy 1 year Anniversary to me and Brad's mom Kathy, since she's who I really married.

Brad was still in Iraq remember?

Anyways, I love you Brad!

(Yes, Jaeden is in that picture too. I liked that picture so I decided it was a good one to post. That's in Germany.)

Wanna party?

I have this goal. It's a goal to facial 100 faces in the month of June. Sounds crazy right? I think so, but nontheless, it is my goal. People love helping people. It's in their nature to help. At least, I like to think that that is the case. So would anyone be willing to help me? Here's the deal. I want to say this is like a giveaway. I could call it that right? My first giveaway. Now I just hope people like what I'm trying to do. I'll give away 3 different prizes. The first being a free Satin Hands Pampering Set, the second being a free color compact, and the third being a free mineral eye shadow of your choice. Here's what you have to do. Register online at my website and leave a comment telling me that you registered for one entry. Get your friends to register on the website and check out the products and leave me a comment for each friend you register for an entry for each name. Blog about my giveaway and link back to my blog for another entry. Make sure to leave a comment that you blogged about me also. I'll blog the winners on sunday evening. I hope this works out!! Thanks for helping me build my business! While I'm on the Mary Kay topic, we are doing a What women want survey. If you would be so kind, give me your name (I know, I know all 5 of my readers names (= ) or if your friends, moms, sisters, all the women you know want to give their input. I need a way to contact whoever is interested in telling me what products you'd like to see Mary Kay offer. So did that make sense? I need names, a way to contact you/them, and what it is they want to see offered. There, at least I cleared it up for myself! Thanks!!

www.marykay.com/tgossett1